What is Secure Attachment?
Last blog post, we discussed the history of attachment theory and why it is important to understand your attachment style as an adult (if you missed that information, click back to catch up!). This week, we’re going to be looking at what secure attachment means, what it looks like in childhood and adulthood, and what it means for the relationships in your life. So what is needed in order for a child to form a secure attachment to a caregiver? According to research, the first important thing is for a child to feel safe. If a child feels safe, it means that their needs like food, protection, and security are met. Children feel comfortable exploring new situations, knowing that their caregiver(s) are there to provide support if they feel scared or endangered. Another key concept in attachment is attunement, which essentially means that a specific stimulus from a child leads to a specific result from a caregiver. For example, if a baby cries because it is hungry and the caregiver provides food, that is an attuned response. Through safety and attunement, children learn that their needs will be met and that they can venture forth knowing there is a safety net behind them. Children with secure attachments prefer their caregivers but will feel comfortable separating from them in order to explore new situations as their confidence grows.
What are some examples of secure attachment being present as an adult? People with secure attachment styles feel confident in who they are and do not doubt that they are worthy of love and value. They often also have a positive view of others and are able to accept and provide affection without misunderstandings or panic as relationships develop, leading to the development of long-lasting bonds and connections. Generally, people with secure attachment can regulate their emotions and seek out support from friends and family if they are struggling, without worrying about being judged or dismissed.
What can you do?
Read this Psychology Today article (https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-angry-therapist/202307/nurturing-secure-attachment-building-healthy-relationships), which explains more about secure attachments and healthy relationships.
Come back next week, where we will be discussing avoidant-insecure attachment!
Reach out to one of the excellent counsellors or psychologists at Center Street Psychology for in-person support in Calgary, or virtual mental health services in Alberta and Canada-wide.
Written by: Lindsay Mcnena
