What is Disorganized Attachment?

Hello and welcome back to the blog! This week we’re finishing up our dive into attachment theory and styles (if you haven’t seen our previous blogs on attachment theory in general, secure attachment, anxious attachment, and avoidant attachment, you can click back through the blogs and catch up). Now we’re going to look at the disorganized (sometimes called fearful-avoidant) attachment style, what it means to have a disorganized attachment, how it presents in childhood and adulthood, and how it might affect relationships in your life.

So, what might cause a person to develop a disorganized style of attachment? The short answer is fear; the longer answer is that this type of attachment tends to develop when caregivers don’t attend to needs and are inconsistent or unpredictable in their behaviour, which leads to feelings of fear. The longest answer is there are many reasons why caregivers may be a source of fear, including neglect, abuse, traumatic experiences, having a caregiver dealing with unresolved trauma or mental health concerns, substance use by the caregiver, and/or frequently moving placements (for example, multiple foster placements). When caregivers show behaviour that is incredibly inconsistent or conflicting, children don’t know what to expect or if their caregiver will meet their needs at all. Children with this type of attachment style may also be conflicting in their behaviour: for example, they may seek closeness one minute, but the next reject the caregiver, as they are uncertain and afraid of what might happen. Some of the literature refers to disorganized attachment as a blend of anxious and avoidant attachment styles, and certainly, there are similarities, particularly when it comes to the consistency of caregiving; in the end, it comes down to whether or not the child also fears the caregiver.

What does disorganized attachment look like in adults? Typically, adults with this attachment style expect people to let them down, disappoint them, hurt them, and reject them. They want to experience emotional intimacy and deep relationships but have a difficult time believing a partner will love and accept them as they are; they’re always waiting for that other shoe to drop. In some cases, these expectations can lead to self-sabotaging behaviours: I know this person is going to hurt me eventually, so I’ll end things and hurt them first. Or the thought process might be more sub-conscious, and lead to behaviours that end up fulfilling the expectation that the other person will hurt them. These examples also feed into the belief that they can’t trust people because they’ll let them down. People with a disorganized attachment style also appear to be at a higher risk of developing mental health concerns and engaging in substance abuse; research also suggests that there might be a link between disorganized attachment and borderline personality disorder.

So what can you do? Check out this podcast that goes deep into disorganized attachment:

https://www.psychiatrypodcast.com/psychiatry-psychotherapy-podcast/2020/7/25/jta1s2b7mixbkkge59fio4rz1vcj3b

Written by: Lindsay Mcnena